With the holidays in full swing (and my stress levels at volume 12), it’s one thing to get hosting tips from the greats, like Ina, Sandra Lee, and Martha. But most of us don’t have a staff of folks ready to make Christmas magic happen, and those picture-perfect Instagrammable holiday tablescapes, present mountains, and letterpress holiday cards can often feel like a lofty goal. Which is why I turned to my ultimate sources for all things shantaying, staying calm, and keeping things real this time of year: drag queens.
Drag queens, to me, are the ultimate domestic goddesses. This thought has been repeatedly confirmed while binge-watching drag cooking shows like Drag Me To Dinner and Cooking’s A Drag, and queens going head to head on Beat Bobby Flay.
Seriously, who else can do dinner and a show while navigating potentially tough crowds (all while tucking and wearing a breastplate) with both panache and ease? Martha wishes! So I chatted with some of my favorite cooking queens—Ginger Minj, Plasma, Mrs. Kasha Davis, Aura Mayari, and Cynthia Lee Fontaine—to get all their tips on how to handle planning holiday gatherings, dealing with tricky family members, and the yearly traditions they can’t do without (and the ones they’ll gladly give up).
Serving At The Holiday Table
As masters of serving, drag queens know a thing or two about setting a killer menu at the holidays. And each queen’s table is as unique as a snowflake. Puerto Rican queen and contributor to Cooking with Drag Queens, Cynthia Lee Fontaine always serves a host of non-negotiable dishes, like rice, green beans, flan, tres leches, turkey, potato salad, and pasteles. “Also, my mom always makes banana bread—it’s tradition!” Fontaine says.
Head to another queen’s house and you’ll find an entirely different spread, whether it’s a Southern smorgasbord with Ginger Minj, honeybaked ham and tequila (no onion rolls) with Plasma, or a Filipino feast with Aura Mayari. “I come from a Filipino family, which means you’re going to experience LOTS of Filipino dishes,” says Mayari, who always serves Filipino spaghetti during the holidays, a dish that’s way beyond what you can get at an Italian restaurant.
“Filipino spaghetti has a distinct sweet flavor,” she explains, adding that it’s made with tomato sauce, sugar, banana ketchup, Filipino hotdogs, ground beef, and evaporated milk. “I learned how to make this from my mom and she adds some other special ingredients in it, which is a family secret!”
Personally, I wish I could make a whole day of visiting each queen’s table, especially come dessert time where I’d make a bee-line for Mrs. Kasha Davis’ house. “I am famous for my balls,” says Mrs. Kasha Davis of her family-favorite namesake treats. “Kasha’s Balls are a holiday treat and the recipe is simple: Blender, Oreos, cream cheese, dipped in chocolate and topped off with your favorite decoration like peppermint, sprinkles, nuts or even a dash of white chocolate. Everyone loves my balls!”
In the words of Ina, how easy is that?
Giving Gifts That Are Eleganza Extravaganza
While gift-giving isn’t necessarily the reason for the season, I treat it like it is—it’s my ideal competitive sport and there’s no better way of brightening short days than with making someone else’s day. So it should come as no surprise that these queens, who can whip up a lewk out of a dream and some fabric, can create some holiday magic for everyone on their list.
In fact, it’s one of the easiest ways to blow off any excess steam, too, especially when the seeking out is a gift in itself. “I LOVE gift-giving. Especially when the gifts are ridiculous,” says Plasma. “I just gave one of my best friends a taxidermied alligator dressed in a miniature duck onesie (thank you, Aspyn & Jade!) and… it might be the best gift I’ve ever given ANYONE.”
In other words, the holiday season is heavy and pressure-filled, why not get your friend a one-of-a-kind Opossum Bride?
The season, for many of the queens, can also be a time to make sure we treat ourselves with kindness, too. “I know they say the holidays are the time for giving, but let’s not forget to give to ourselves,” says Mayari, who opts out of long lines at the mall to give herself back some much-needed free time.
For Ginger Minj, the gifts can be more literal, including a holiday tradition she partakes in all throughout the year: Christmas ornament hunting. “I talk about it more in depth in my book, Southern Fried Sass, but one of our favorite traditions is to collect ornaments from every stop on our tours,” says Minj. “[We] hang them on the tree as a centerpiece and conversation starter, then have everyone pick their favorite to take with them as a parting gift. It’s a fun way to include everyone in your journey AND it’s a great excuse to hunt for fun new things every year!”
Dealing With Difficult Family Members, No Shade
As a straight, cis-gendered woman, I have my own holiday speed bumps to deal with, and drag queens are no stranger to how tricky navigating the holidays can be. “It’s a weird time and my family is just as divided as everyone else’s,” says Minj, who opts for setting ground rules on what is okay (and not) at the dinner table—no politics, no religion, and everyone has to try a bite of something new. “If you remove the obstacles that divide us, it’s easier to find common ground and break bread in peace,” she says.
But if hosting will make you feel like you’re going to veer towards the naughty list, you can (and should) take this task off your to-do list. “One of the BEST ways to make holiday hosting stress free is to get invited to other people’s parties!” says Mrs. Kasha Davis.
“At the nifty age of 53 I learned a wonderful phrase: ‘Don’t be long where you don’t belong!’” she adds. “The big message here is that if in fact I am feeling horrible about attending an event, family, friends or co-workers, it’s important for me to trust my intuition and practice one of the greatest gifts, self care. ‘No’ is a complete sentence.”
Sashaying The Holiday Blues Away
But if all else fails, and you’re stuck with hosting a family member who is less than okay with respecting boundaries? There’s no shame in refining your guest list, either. “We need to stop feeling obligated to invite every single family member to these gatherings,” says Aura Mayari. “If you know that person will ruin your vibe, do not invite them. If you’re the one invited to an event knowing there is someone there that you don’t get along with, then practice keeping your distance, and just focus on the people you love and enjoy.”
Even when gatherings prove difficult, there are ways to retake the day for yourself, too, to remember what the season means to you, personally. For Mrs. Kasha Davis, that’s reminding herself that her house is one where love is shared; for Ginger Minj it’s to always make sure you aren’t missing out on enjoying your own party; and for Cynthia Lee Fontaine that’s maybe turning up the Christmas music and dancing off any blues and hard feelings.
“I’ve learned that the beauty of family holiday gatherings is in reminding yourself how much you’ve grown as an individual and sharing gratitude for the people that have seen you blossom into your current self,” says Plasma. “And not everyone will be able to recognize your latest update. And that’s okay. Now find your favorite cousin and hit the bar!”
As for me, those are words I’ll certainly be living by.
Mackenzie Filson is a food writer and contributing digital food producer at Delish. Her favorite ice cream flavor is chocolate-pine and if wine was an astrological sign she’d be a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. She’s never met a bag of Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos she didn’t eat in one sitting.