There are all types of reasons to break up with someone: cheating, lying, trust issues, a general lack of compatibility. But the one excuse you maybe didn’t have on your bingo card is chores like cooking and cleaning. Case in point, a Reddit user recently posted about considering ending his marriage because his wife can’t cook.

In an AITA (“Am I the A-hole?”) thread, a 28-year-old man said that despite their “great” relationship, he simply can’t get past the fact that his wife doesn’t know how to cook.

“I’ve always been the one to handle meals, which I was fine with in the beginning because I enjoy cooking. But over time, it’s started to wear on me, especially when I come home after a long day at work and still have to cook dinner while she relaxes,” he explained. “She refuses to cook and claims there is nothing wrong with not being able to cook. It’s been an ongoing issue between us. I have been trying to teach her but she is really bad at it.”

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After his wife attempted (and failed) to cut strawberries at his mother’s request, he told her that it was “kind of pathetic” she couldn’t cut fruit at her age, which ultimately upset the wife.

“My mom left and she was pissed I didn’t defend her. [She said] that I embarrassed her by letting it happen. We got into a bad argument and I told her that it is pathetic she can not even cut fruit. She is literally older than me and can’t hold a knife properly,” the original poster wrote. “She told me that is not the point and I needed to defend her and it’s not her fault she is bad at cooking. I point out it is, and she is embarrassed because not being able to hold a knife properly is embarrassing for an adult.”

Ultimately, the husband says that his wife thinks he’s “a huge jerk.” However, commenters were quick to jump to his defense.

“She should be helping somehow, you’re not her personal chef,” one person wrote. “She’s an adult, she should learn to do at least the basics and be able to at least make a few dishes,” another chimed in.

“Weaponized incompetence my friend, as long as she ‘doesn’t know how’ she doesn’t have to do it, so why would she put any effort into learning?” a third commenter wrote.

Ultimately, the husband came to that conclusion as well.

“So update,” he wrote. “I definitely think this is weaponized incompetence, I will suggest marriage counseling and cooking classes. If things don’t change, I will be out. I will make this very clear.”

While this might seem like a shocking/unfair/crazy reason to break up with your partner, according to a study conducted by Harvard Business School, as many as 25% of people who got divorced blamed “disagreements about housework” as the leading reason why they split up.

In fact, disagreements about housework ranked as the third leading reason for divorce in the study. Historically, however, men have been the culprit in heterosexual marriages. The Bureau of Labor Statistics found that only 22% of men reported doing chores versus 50% of women, and only 43% of men were involved in cooking and clean up, compared to 70% of women.

“Cooking is a life skill, and if your partner refuses to learn, then it isn’t your job to teach them, and it’s okay to leave any relationship you don’t want to be in. At the end of the day that’s supposed to be your partner, and that means teamwork,” relationship expert Cat Hoggard Wagley, LMHC, told Delish.

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Megan Schaltegger is an NYC-based writer. She loves strong coffee, eating her way through the Manhattan food scene, and her dog, Murray. She promises not to talk about herself in third person IRL.


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